Persistence
March 26, 2020
10:30 pm
Last night was a rough one. As soon as I got
into bed, I was attacked by this entity attachment (who calls herself Crystal).
Her chattering was heavy and ceaseless. I got out of bed around 12:45 am to
take another dose of sleep-aid, hoping that this would work to knock me out and
put an end to the harassment for the night. I was lucky that it did work. I fell
asleep sometime shortly after one in the morning. The attack did cost me some sleep, but I felt
rested enough throughout the day today.
The COVID-19 Pandemic situation got even
worse today. My state has now become the state with the second most number of
cases in the country. The virus continues to spread throughout much of the
world as well. Once again today, I was hearing Crystal making a lot of comments
about the virus situation…..trying very intentionally to add to my anxiety.
One of her frequent comments is to say that I
already have it. I certainly hope this isn’t the case. At the moment I feel
fine. Anyway, I don’t believe a thing
that she says. I’ve been dealing with her for long enough now to know that I should
never trust anything that I hear her say.
If this pandemic crisis were happening back in the early days of my
attachment situation, then I probably would be more stressed out wondering
whether what she was saying was true or not. But after much experience, I recognize
much better now that these voices will essentially say anything in an attempt
to get a desired reaction out of you. Take it all with a grain of salt and
ignore it if you can is a prudent way to proceed I feel.
Crystal has been quite active with her
chattering for most of the night so far, but I’ve managed to get in some
reading without being distracted by her much. I find that reading is a good way
to train myself to better ignore her.
Back in 2015 (the first year of this oppress)
it took several months for me to be able to relax and read a book or watch a
movie again. While the voices were attacking me full force during the Spring
and Summer of that year, I simply couldn’t hold my focus for long enough to even
enjoy reading a book.
However, I’ve been a big reader my whole life
and I wasn’t about to let these intruding voices take that away from me. So, I kept
at it and didn’t give up. Now, I’m glad to report that I get as much enjoyment
from reading as I ever did. It was the persistence of not giving up on this
that eventually allowed me to achieve this.
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