Persistence


March 26, 2020
10:30 pm

  Last night was a rough one. As soon as I got into bed, I was attacked by this entity attachment (who calls herself Crystal). Her chattering was heavy and ceaseless. I got out of bed around 12:45 am to take another dose of sleep-aid, hoping that this would work to knock me out and put an end to the harassment for the night. I was lucky that it did work. I fell asleep sometime shortly after one in the morning.  The attack did cost me some sleep, but I felt rested enough throughout the day today.

  The COVID-19 Pandemic situation got even worse today. My state has now become the state with the second most number of cases in the country. The virus continues to spread throughout much of the world as well. Once again today, I was hearing Crystal making a lot of comments about the virus situation…..trying very intentionally to add to my anxiety.

  One of her frequent comments is to say that I already have it. I certainly hope this isn’t the case. At the moment I feel fine.  Anyway, I don’t believe a thing that she says. I’ve been dealing with her for long enough now to know that I should never trust anything that I hear her say.  If this pandemic crisis were happening back in the early days of my attachment situation, then I probably would be more stressed out wondering whether what she was saying was true or not. But after much experience, I recognize much better now that these voices will essentially say anything in an attempt to get a desired reaction out of you. Take it all with a grain of salt and ignore it if you can is a prudent way to proceed I feel.

  Crystal has been quite active with her chattering for most of the night so far, but I’ve managed to get in some reading without being distracted by her much. I find that reading is a good way to train myself to better ignore her.

  Back in 2015 (the first year of this oppress) it took several months for me to be able to relax and read a book or watch a movie again. While the voices were attacking me full force during the Spring and Summer of that year, I simply couldn’t hold my focus for long enough to even enjoy reading a book.

  However, I’ve been a big reader my whole life and I wasn’t about to let these intruding voices take that away from me. So, I kept at it and didn’t give up. Now, I’m glad to report that I get as much enjoyment from reading as I ever did. It was the persistence of not giving up on this that eventually allowed me to achieve this.





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