Spiritual Voices Attack : 7/13/2020

Spiritual Voices Attack : 7/13/2020

July 13, 2020

9:55 pm

  In my last blog post, I mentioned that of recent, I was trying to live by a strict discipline. This discipline being that I would not allow this entity attachment (that I hear as a female voice, and that identifies herself by the name Crystal) to bring me to the point of anger. After all this time has passed, it was blatantly clear to me that bringing me to a state of anger or depression was Crystal’s goal. This is what she was after, this is what she wanted. She could be most sadistic in trying to achieve this.

  She often hurls insults, criticisms, judgements, threats and the like at me. Sometimes, all day and night. She tries to deprive me of sleep practically every night, in the hopes of getting me into a weary and weaker state so that her torments will have more of an impact on me. It is my observation that she is very skilled at being a bully, and of course, no one likes to be bullied. So, I confess that it is very difficult at times to restrain myself from becoming filled with anger towards my oppressor. Yet, as time passed, I was more and more convinced that the better approach, the best way to thwart Crystal’s efforts, was to react in the opposite manner of what she wanted. If she wants to make me angry, I would be calm. If she wanted to make me depressed, I would do something that made me feel upbeat and more positive. I believe that I must strive to be and do the opposite of Crystal.

  Well, today I confess that I was not very successful at upholding to this discipline. I had an especially rough day at the job. It was nothing related to Crystal’s presence that caused this. I was simply feeling overwhelmed and aggravated over various work related issued. I wasn’t even paying Crystal much mind for most of the day. It was one of those days where it seemed like hours went by, and I hardly heard her voice at all.

  Yet, just as my work day was ending, Crystal unleashed a barrage of insults and verbal harassment at me. I confess, after having such an aggravating day at work, I allowed Crystal to get to me. I let her take me to the point of anger. For the first time in quite a few months, I unleashed a barrage of insults of my own towards Crystal. I didn’t speak them outright, but knowing as I do, that Crystal has the ability to hear my thoughts, I unleashed this barrage of counter-insults by speaking these insults through my own thoughts.

  I was extremely angry that she was clearly trying to make a bad day for me even worse. I certainly know that this is the kind of thing she does, and I wasn’t surprised. But, it was the fact that she was trying to kick me when I’m down that really got to me. And unfortunately, I allowed her to get to me, to put me in a rage, and I let the insults fly her way.

  After a little while, once I began to calm down some, I felt much regret about this. I had given Crystal what she wanted. I had allowed her insults, her verbal abuse, to take me to a very negative state of mind. I felt like I had given Crystal a victory.  She set out to take advantage of my horrible day at work situation and make me feel even worse, and I allowed her to achieve this.

  I also felt much regret because I had of recent, very much been trying to discipline myself to not allow this very kind of thing happen. Yes, no one likes to be bullied, but this afternoon, I let this particular bully achieve their goal. I let Crystal bring me to the point of anger and all that my own insults achieved was to make me feel even worse about the situation. My counter-insults towards Crystal did not thwart her efforts in any way, where if I had remained calm, they would have.

  A much better approach would have been to see through Crystal’s motives and deny her what she was striving to achieve by attacking me. I could have won a small victory for myself over this bully today if I had held firm to my conviction that her torments are not worth getting angry about. I would have won a small victory over this bully today if I had allowed her words to bounce off of me, having no effect at all. I would have won a small victory if I had acted in a manner completely opposite of Crystal today.  But, unfortunately, I didn’t and instead I handed Crystal a victory. However, I will learn from my mistake of this afternoon. I will take this unpleasant incident and use it to strengthen my resolve to do better the next time Crystal tries to kick me when I’m down.