The Intruding Presence : Hearing Voices & Entity Attachment : Part 3

 

December 29, 2020

 

 

  Well, I think I’m starting to reach a point where I’ve finally had enough of this time off from work. By this I mean the eighteen days that I have off from work. As of today, I have six days left. I confess, I find that I’ve become quite lethargic. I’m going to bed late, I’m waking up late. I had all these things that I wanted to do and take care of and I have barely done any of them. Now I’m going to have to scramble to try and get as much done as I can over the course of the next few days. A strange kind of laziness has taken hold of me I would say. I understand, this is supposed to be my downtime. In about six months, I’ll be wishing I was back on break. 2020 was a very hectic year for me in regards to my work at all, and 2021 is set up to be even more so. I’m not going to be too hard on myself for being a couch potato these past few days.

 

  Anyway, pretty much the same old things are happening with regards to the situation with Crystal. I did have one incident this afternoon that stands out. I was taking an afternoon nap. I was woken up by the sound of an incoming text message on my phone. Now my phone at the time was down the hallway in the kitchen of my small apartment. It was just a brief ping, but that’s all it took to wake me up. This is what I mean when I often refer to being a light sleeper in my journals and when I talk about how I think this creates a very problematic situation for me in regards to Crystal’s harassment at night. So, the sound of the incoming text message woke me up, but I didn’t jump out of bed right away and go check the message. It was one of those wake ups where it took a few minutes to drag myself out of bed. During these few minutes, something quite strange happened, though unfortunately it is something that happens quite often anymore.  I opened my eyes, realized that it was late in the afternoon and I should get out of bed, but it just took me a little while to get going.

 

  I was in my bed, lying on my back and all of a sudden I feel a presence land on my body. I was hearing Crystal‘s voice coincide with this, so it is my strong suspicion that this presence was in fact Crystal. Basically the presence landed on my stomach and then I could actually feel it walking up my chest. It seemed like I could actually feel these little legs. And then I felt something poke me on the underside of my left shoulder. Once again, I am getting the impression that there’s a main body and then there’s some kind of limb or such that extends out from the main body at least a couple of feet. This is starting to become a regular occurrence. Again, I truly do believe that it’s Crystal because when I have these intense incidents, I’m hearing her voice at the same time. And as I’ve mentioned previously, where things are at currently with my situation, Crystal is the only voice that’s here now on a day-to-day basis. Other voices still occasionally seem to show up, but it’s becoming less frequent I would say, and they don’t stick around. Only Crystal sticks around, but then she always has since the beginning.

 

   I’ve had a number of similar incidents this past year where I feel this presence essentially land on my chest and then I’ll feel another sensation, like a slight jab or pinch on another part of my body. It’s very difficult for me to try and visualize what this entity looks like based on the sensations that I’m feeling, but I have tried. This afternoon, just like on a number of occasions this past year, I definitely picked up on the presence of a main body. And this isn’t the first time that I’ve picked up on……I guess what you might consider….these small legs. This afternoon the presence of the legs really stood out because I could actually feel this presence walking from my stomach up to my upper chest. And then, just a few brief moments later, I felt that jabbing sensation down at the underside of my left shoulder.

 

  Not too long ago, I had a similar experience and I was really wondering about this other jabbing sensation that I was experiencing away from “the main body”…this mysterious extension. Crystal said to me “that’s my antenna”. One time she said that she had “sixteen antennas”. I only typically feel one, maybe two at most of these other sensations away from the main body, certainly not sixteen. I suspect that she’s just messing with me with that one. There does seem to be this extension though, perhaps an antenna like she says, I just don’t know. This has been a reoccurring thing recently where I feel “a main body” and then this extension jabbing me on another part of my body. It’s really not anything recognizable to me. I guess this afternoon when I felt the main body and these little legs walking up my chest, the closest comparison would be something like a cat walking on your chest as far as the size and even the weight to a degree. Though, I would say that Crystal‘s presence didn’t have as much weight as a full-grown cat. It wasn’t just moving all around me wildly either. It took these very nimble little steps, also similar to a cat. I’m not saying that Crystal is some kind of mysterious cat entity, but just the size, and how some of these sensations feel, that’s the closest analogy of something recognizable that I can come up with right now. In truth, it’s definitely something not recognizable to me. I’m not feeling any kind of human feature from it at all.

 

  There were a few occasions back in the early days of my situation where I felt what seemed like fingers jabbing me, or hands grabbing me, and they seemed more recognizable to me as human-like features. This presence that I felt today, there were no recognizable human features to it at all. I have also felt the sensations in a number of different ways. They can sometimes be something very small to something with much more size to it. It’s been my personal opinion that Crystal can materialize in a physical sense, to a greater or lesser degree. I have not always perceived her physical presence in the exact same way.

 

  I’ve perceived her presence in ways that have been the more common, in other words…..that I experience the most frequently. Yet, there hasn’t been one consistent way across the board. She has even told me in the past that she materializes to a different degree at times. Or sometimes, she’ll say that she’s “expanding her energy”. This is coming from her, so I cannot assume that it’s all accurate information. However, just based on my own experiences and my own observations, it does seem that she can materialize to different degrees at times.

 

   There have been a few occasions where I’ve heard her say that “in this world, I am a bigger life form than her.” Essentially she’s saying that she is smaller than your average adult human being I take it. She does usually include that statement there “in this world”. Is she implying that in her dimension the circumstances would be different? I simply do not know. So, while I’ve had pretty much identical experiences before, it still shocked me a bit this afternoon, the degree to which I was feeling this pronounced physical presence. It was one of those incidents where I would say that I felt like the reality of this whole situation was slapping me in the face once again.

 

  As I mentioned previously, this has been a common occurrence this year. In many ways, my situation has stabilized a lot more than what it was in the beginning. Earlier on in my situation, things were quite a bit more chaotic I would say. I was greatly impacted by the presence of Crystal and earlier on there seemed to be other entities frequently present as well. I’m not saying that I am fully adapted to Crystal‘s presence now, but yes...I would say that I am more desensitized to it.

 

  Hearing Crystal‘s voice as much as I did troubled me quite a lot in the beginning. Now, it’s almost like I regard it as just an everyday sound in the background, just like the sound of the wind or something like that. Sure, I still have my struggles with it, I’m just saying that compared to how things were for me in 2015 or 2016 for example, I am more desensitized to a lot of it now. So in a sense, a larger degree of stability has taken root in my day-to-day life. To some degree yes, things seem closer these days to how they were before this attachment/intrusion situation ever began. It’s definitely not the same, I’m just saying it’s a bit closer. So, when I do have these more intense incidents like this afternoon, it just hits me, the reality of it hits me hard and it’s like I’m being pulled backwards.

 

   Sometimes when I’m at work for example, and I am really focused on things there, and my mind is occupied with work matters, for a short time it’s almost like this whole situation isn’t even happening. It feels like it’s not really happening at all and I might even catch myself thinking how could this be actually happening? How is it even possible? Yet, before too long, I’ll have some incident like the one that I had this afternoon and I’ll be hit with the reality of it all once again. It is really happening.

 

  I know that many people would be very skeptical my story. They would think that I’m just delusional or they would say that I suffer from a mental illness. If only they could experience what I experienced this afternoon. There’s no denying it, I felt very real external presence on me. If it was just some kind of delusion, why is it always centered around this Crystal persona? Why is it always the same voice? Why is it always the same personality? And Crystal does have a distinct personality. As I mentioned, there is sometimes variation to these sensations. Yet, as I also mentioned, these variations are things that I experience quite frequently in themselves. So why is it always the same things?

 

  As I wrote about a little while back, I’ve had a number of incidents since 2015 where I’ve captured Crystal‘s voice on recording unintentionally. I just had one of these incidents a few weeks ago. Why is it every time that I go back and listen to these recordings, I still hear Crystal‘s voice at the exact same spots where I heard it all the other times? I can pinpoint it down to the second on the recording. It’s still there, her voice is there every time. I have played these recordings for others and some have heard Crystal‘s voice as well. Not everyone, but a good percentage of the people that I’ve shared the recordings with also heard a voice on the recordings. EVP‘s are like that, sometimes people just don’t seem to hear them no matter what. But it’s there, I can pinpoint it down to the exact second.

 

  Well, I don’t mean to ramble off into different topics here. I just wanted to state that this afternoon was another example of how it’s been this past year. A kind of stability has taken hold in one sense, but some of these incidents are still having quite an impact on me. I’m going to wrap things up here. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll find some motivation to go out do something with my time. If I don’t, I’m not going to be too hard on myself. After all, I only have a few days left and then it’s back to work.

 

 

 

December 31, 2020

 

 

Well, it’s the last day of 2020. I’ll be glad to see it go. 2020 was a rough year, no doubt about that. It was rough for many people for several different reasons. The pandemic situation is high up there on the list of course. It’s been a very surreal year just on its own, and I’m not referring to anything involving this entity attachment situation with Crystal. That’s been surreal since it all started back in 2015. So, I’ll just bring things up to date. I’ve only got three days left of my vacation time from work. I go back to work on Monday. I have mixed feelings about this. I know that 2021 is going to be an even more hectic year at my job then this past year was. So, I do not feel any kind of urgency to dive right into that. Yet, I’ve just had this strange feeling all week, essentially I don’t know what to do with myself. At least with work, I have a day-to-day routine. I mean there is a lot of stuff that I wanted to take care of over the break, but I just found it hard to get motivated. Oh well, I guess I’m just complaining for no reason. As I said, six months from now I’ll be wishing I was back on break.

 

   Anyway, I’ll bring things up to date with regards to my situation with Crystal. It’s pretty much just been the same routine stuff, though I did have a strange incident two nights ago. In my last journal entry I had talked about how I had an incident in the afternoon a few days ago, just after I woke up from taking a nap. I felt Crystal‘s presence in a very pronounced way once again. Basically, I awoke in the afternoon and I felt an unmistakable presence landing on my stomach and it then seemed like it was walking around on my chest. As I stated, unfortunately this kind of incident is nothing new for me, it’s been happening quite often recently. However, I find it significant because it seems like the more that I have these kinds of incidents, the more that I’m starting to be able to discern features and characteristics about this presence that I’m feeling. For example, the incident that occurred the other day, it seemed to me like I was feeling these little feet moving around on my chest. It was very strange and I want to emphasize that this presence was not recognizable to me. The closest comparison that I could come up with was the feeling of a cat jumping up on me. That is the closest analogy that I have for now, but I know that what I felt was no cat.

 

  Just based on the physical sensations themselves, I’m still not able to visualize, or even attempt to visualize what this entity/Crystal looks like. However, that night I had another strange incident. I had gone to bed and I was just lying there waiting to fall asleep, dealing with a degree of harassment from Crystal, which is unfortunately the norm. At one point I felt something very small in my right ear. It was like it was bouncing around right there at my earlobe. Just as a size comparison, it was something maybe similar the size of a pea that just seemed to be right there bouncing around in my earlobe.  While I was feeling this sensation, I was hearing Crystal‘s voice. So here again, it is my opinion that this presence was in fact Crystal, only here she was in a much smaller form.

 

   The presence that I felt that night, for that brief time that I was feeling it at my right ear, felt much smaller than the presence that was moving around on my chest during that incident in the afternoon. During both incidents I was hearing Crystal‘s voice and I believe that in both cases the physical presence was Crystal. I believe that she can materialize (if that’s the right word) to a larger or smaller degree. I have never experienced a physical presence that was very large. I would say the closest would be when I occasionally feel the strange vibration sensation engulfing half my body. That’s the largest it ever seems to materialize. I’m not sure if Crystal has her limitations here, that she can only materialize so much. I’m not sure if there are certain factors and certain conditions that have to be right at a given time for her to materialize to a certain degree. I am simply not sure. It’s just my personal opinion, based on my observations that she can in fact change the form and size of her presence.

 

 This afternoon, I tried once again to take a nap, but I was not successful here. Crystal was causing me to feel the physical sensations once again and I just could not ignore it enough to fall asleep. Here I was feeling sensations on different parts of my body. But, the main presence seemed to be down right above my knees and then I was feeling these slight jabs on my arms. This was another case where I perceived what you could call “the main body” or “the main presence” and then these smaller sensations elsewhere on my body. 

 

 Later this afternoon, I was also browsing around on the internet for a little bit. Yesterday, I was on a paranormal themed discussion forum that I sometimes frequent. I left a comment for an individual who stated that they had just received a Spirit Box as a gift and that they were planning on using it soon, and that they had a specific location in mind where they wanted to use it for the first time. This individual was asking if anyone had any advice on ways to protect themselves from negative entities or other such bad situations like that. I left him a brief comment. I didn’t go into a lot of detail.

 

  I did start by saying that I was experimenting with EVP recording and also using a Spirit Box (but the Spirit Box only to a small degree) back in 2015 and that things ended up going badly for me. So, I told him that I guess you could consider my opinion biased here. I said that of course the safest protection would be if they just stayed clear of all this. Just lie to whoever gave you the gift, say that you love using it, but just stick it on some shelf in your closet or something like that. Staying clear of it would be one way to avoid trouble. However, if he was set on taking up using this Spirit Box, I told him that at least for me, one mistake that I know I made was to let myself get swept up in it all to the point where doing sessions had essentially become an addiction for me. I told him, if things start getting interesting, there can be a strong sense of curiosity and that curiosity can be a powerful force. I said that if you used moderation, pace things out, only use the Spirit Box every once in a while, then that might very well lessen the risk of running into an attachment situation. I basically said just be mindful that you don’t find yourself getting caught up in it too much.

 

  This afternoon I just wanted to go back and see if he had replied with anything. I would provide more details about my own situation, but I didn’t want to just throw everything out there all at once. He did not reply as of today, but I did see other people leaving comments for the author of this post. A few people said that he should just state his boundaries…that he did not want to communicate with any negative entities, that they were not allowed to follow him around, things of that nature. One individual that has some experience with using a Spirit Box I gather, even stated that a while back when he was just starting out, he began to suspect that some of the beings that he was hearing coming through on his Spirit Box were following him home. He said that he just told them flat out, “you can’t follow me home this is a boundary for me”. He said that this worked for him and that he hasn’t had any trouble since. I was amazed by this. I was amazed and confused.

 

  I just don’t understand why it’s so easy for some people to avoid paranormal trouble this way, yet not for others. I’ve tried to set boundaries with Crystal more times than I can count. I’ve told her on multiple occasions that she’s not allowed to follow me around, she’s not allowed in my home, she’s not allowed to follow me to work, things like that. I have not done this recently, but I remember that it was something that I was doing back in the beginning when I was trying the number of different approaches, just trying to find something that seemed to have some impact on the situation. Nothing like that has worked with Crystal.

 

  My main contention with her is that she doesn’t respect my boundaries at all, she does not respect my sovereignty as an individual at all. She is attached to my life. Even though I know it’s essentially a futile effort to try and reason with her, sometimes out of desperation, I do find myself still trying to reason with her. I ask her to change the situation at least in some small way at first. I have pleaded with her to at least take one small step towards resolving this situation. I find myself doing this especially at night sometimes when I’m desperate to fall asleep in peace. All I ever sense from her is complete indifference. I shouldn’t say that actually, sometimes she might say something that seems to try to get me to believe that there’s some sort of hope that we could work things out, but it always leads to nothing. As I heard one of these intruding voices say to me you back during the worst days, back in April of 2015, “we lift you up to take you down”.

 

  I don’t mean to ramble on here. I just wanted to say that when I saw that person’s comment today, where they stated that all they had to do was just state boundaries (that he didn’t want to be followed) and this seemed to take care of it, I was just baffled as hell by this and wondered how this could possibly be true. Perhaps this individual was not dealing with the same kind of entity that Crystal is. As I was saying previously, this question of who or what Crystal is exactly, whether she is a spirit of human origin or something else….a non-human intelligent life form. I was saying how this is more of an open question to me now after dealing with her all this time, compared to when I first started experimenting with EVP recording during the Winter of 2015. Back then, I assumed that I was capturing the voices of spirits that shared a common origins with me. We are all or were human inhabitants of the Earth.

 

  I suppose that to a degree, I left open the possibility that there were other kinds of beings out there, it’s just that I wasn’t really thinking too much along those lines at that time. One might think that after dealing with Crystal to this extreme degree after all this time, that I would have developed a strong personal opinion about her identity. This is not the case at all. Except, I guess I would say that I do take into consideration now to a much larger degree, the possibility that she may be a being that is very different for me, that we do not share a common origin.

 

 As I previously mentioned, in some ways (such as in how her voice sounds), Crystal can sometimes seem quite human enough I would say. However, there’s just something about her, an impression that I get from her, from her behavior, that makes the possibility that she is very different, something that I give serious consideration to. After all, we really don’t know what’s out there. When we’re talking about other dimensions, parallel universes, astral realms, etc…, this is still pretty uncharted territory in major ways. Obviously, many people don’t even believe in such things. However, I for one feel that there’s a whole lot out there that remains to be discovered. I also feel that when we do discover some of these mysterious things, we may also discover that in some ways, humanity at large has been interacting with, or has been influenced by them all along to one degree or another.

 

January 1, 2021

 

  Well, it’s finally here, the start of a new year. Right now it’s cold and raining outside where I’m at, so there’s nothing too spectacular to report so far. I had a rather strange night last night when I was in bed trying to fall asleep. I went to bed a little after midnight. I knew it was pointless to try and fall asleep earlier. Last night was New Year’s Eve and there was a lot of people around my apartment complex, and the surrounding area that set off fireworks, fire crackers, were banging pots and pans, and just making a lot of noise essentially. So at midnight, I went outside and smoked a couple of cigarettes just to watch and listen to all the activity. I went to bed shortly after that. However, there were still a few people lighting off firecrackers for a little while after midnight. So, that was working against me falling asleep quick and easy.

 

  Crystal was messing with me a little bit when I first went to bed. I was hearing her voice a little and feeling the physical sensations to a degree, but it was nothing too intense. Then I did manage to fall asleep, however for some reason I woke up after about an hour. This was around half past one in the morning. I’m not sure if it was somebody lighting off fire crackers again or if it was something that Crystal did that woke me up. I just know that I woke up rather suddenly. When I tried to fall back asleep this time, this was when Crystal started to harass me to a greater degree. I would even say that I consider it “an attack”.

 

   Now this is just essentially my own terminology here. As I have mentioned previously, Crystal disturbs me, or harasses me to one degree or another practically every single night. The only time that I ever completely escape it is if I’m so tired that I fall asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow, which doesn’t happen very often. Other than those rare occasions, I’m always getting hit with something on any given night. It’s always a disturbance while I’m trying to fall asleep. However, there are occasions when things are definitely escalated, more intense you could say. Sometimes these disturbances seem very intentional. These incidents are what I often refer to as an attack or a night attack.

 

  I would say that I experienced an attack last night when I woke up around one thirty in the morning. I remember that Crystal was hitting me with shout attacks. This is that tactic where I’ll hear her voice shouting at me very quickly, very suddenly. It usually seems like it’s right up to one of my ears, or right in my face, or sometimes it even seems like it’s internal, like it’s a shout inside of my head. There can be some degree of variation to them, but they’re always very sudden, very intense. I have often described it as being punched by a voice. There’s a kind of physical reaction that I experience when I’m hit by one of these shouts. It’s like a jolting sensation through my entire body.

 

  This was a tactic that I first started to see used by Crystal, and in fact occasionally some other voices that were around, back in 2017. To the best of my recollection, as bad as things were back in the early days in 2015, and with all the extremely intense and strange stuff that I experienced back then, I do not remember getting hit with these shouts back in those days. No, I believe I first started to experience them in 2017. Just like now, they would always occur when I was in bed waiting to fall asleep. I remember that it didn’t occur very frequently at all at first, that’s why it didn’t really grab my attention too much back then. I think I would only experience one of these shouts every few weeks or perhaps even every few months. And then throughout 2018, I started to experience them a little more often, but still not all that frequently.

 

  Then things changed. I began getting hit with the shouts much more frequently in the Spring of 2019. And during the Summer of 2019, the shout attacks essentially became a nightly occurrence. These shouts seemed like Crystal’s main tactic with regards to trying to disrupt my sleep throughout that whole Summer. In 2020, I am began to notice that I wasn’t getting hit with these shouts quite as often anymore, though I still would occasionally. In fact, some of the shouts that I experienced in 2020 seemed more intense, more powerful than the ones that I was experiencing in 2019. It was as if Crystal had further perfected the ability to do this. Most of the time when I heard these shouts, it was Crystal‘s voice. However, (especially in 2019) occasionally I would hear them from other voices as well. I remember hearing shouts at night during the Summer of 2019 from voices that were male sounding voices, so I knew right away that it wasn’t Crystal. I also remember hearing the shouts from another female voice that sounded very different from Crystal. It was definitely a distinctly female voice, but it just didn’t sound like Crystal at all. However, the majority of the time, yes….the shouts sounded like they were from Crystal.

 

  I believe that all of the shouts that I experienced last night were from Crystal. However, about two nights ago I did hear one of these shouts and it was a distinctly male voice. This one was strange because it seemed to be originating from underneath me, either from within the pillow, or the mattress of the bed itself. It was very strange. Usually the shouts seem to be originating from above me, or as I said, either right in front of my face or practically right up to one of my ears, (with the exception of the shouts that seem like they are internal…inside of my head). This shout that I heard the other night from a male voice, it was different. Yes, it definitely seemed to be originating from underneath me.

 

 I thought to myself right away that is shout was not from Crystal, it was a male voice. I heard Crystal respond to this thought, as she is so often does. I don’t remember what she said now word for word, but it was something like……….that was someone from “our torment department”, or “tormenting division”, or something like that. She definitely said that it was somebody from something that sounded rather unpleasant. I wasn’t surprised at all that Crystal would say something like that.

 

   Last night, when Crystal hit me with a few of these shout attacks, and they happened in pretty close succession to one another, I noticed something else about them. After I was hit with the first one, I remembered that I had some sort of angry thought about Crystal and then right away I got hit with another one, and then I had another angry thought and I got hit with another one. It seemed to go on like this for a little while. Crystal seemed to be hitting me with the shouts in response to what I was thinking about her. It seemed very deliberate. This was a bit out of the ordinary. Usually the shouts are spaced out a little bit. I used to wonder about that. Every so often I would get hit with a few that were one right after another, but for the most part there was usually some length time between them.

 

  The shouts that I experienced last night were not particularly strong in comparison to other shouts that I’ve experienced. I would classify them as mild to moderate. I have often wondered if Crystal exerts a lot of energy, or strength to pull off one of these shout attacks. Based on my observations, it did usually seem to be the case that the stronger, more intense shouts were spaced out a bit more and I speculated that perhaps this was because they require Crystal to exert more energy. Perhaps with these weaker shouts, though they are still definitely shouts, perhaps with these she’s able to hit me them more quickly because they do not require as much energy. This is all just speculation on my part. It has been my observation that Crystal has definitely developed and improved the ability to hit me with these shouts in a variety of ways. As I stated previously, I do not recall experiencing them at all back in the early days of my attachment situation. I have the impression that this is something that she learned to do overtime, an ability that she deliberately worked on developing. Though of course I can’t see what she’s up to behind the scenes.

 

 Well, last night’s shout attacks were definitely confirmation to me that this particular tactic is still something that Crystal likes to use to disrupt my sleep every now and again. It seemed that in 2020, she was focusing more on the physical sensations than these shout attacks. However, this is still something that she has the ability to do. It was just very strange last night in how much they seemed a reaction to my thoughts about Crystal. It’s like she was punishing me for having angry thoughts about her.

 

  I eventually fell asleep at some point last night. It was probably sometime a little after two in the morning. As I was saying yesterday, I haven’t been deprived of an entire night of sleep because of Crystal’s harassment since that incident on February 6, 2019. I consider that a very good thing. While it does seem like every night is still a struggle to fall asleep to one degree or another, it’s better for me than it was in the past. I remember that back in the early days, it would be a fairly frequent occurrence where I would lose an entire night of sleep because of these disturbances.

 

  Well, I’ve only got two days left now of my break time and then I’m back to work on Monday. To be honest, I’m almost looking forward to it. I can’t believe that I find myself saying that. It’s just that I feel that I need to get back into the routine where I am more active, where my focus is directed on something a bit more. It does help me in my situation with Crystal. If I keep myself focused on day-to-day things, it does seem to push her presence into the background more and that’s a good thing. Though, as I said, probably in six months from now, I’ll be wishing I was back sitting at home taking it easy.

 

 

 

 

 January 2, 2020 

 

 

  Well, my break time is almost over. Tomorrow is my last day and then it’s back to work. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but in a way I almost look forward to it. I don’t know what’s taken hold of me but, I feel like I’m just drained of motivation and energy these past few days. Maybe it has something to do with Crystal, I can’t rule it out. But, I think it’s just not having a routine, a day by day routine to go by that’s starting to get to me. It’s just been hard to get motivated to get out and do anything this past week. Maybe part of it is the weather. I suppose it’s a bit of a downer that the most time that I have off from work is in the Winter when the weather can just be dreary at times around here. In the Summer, I work six days a week and have been doing so for many years now. I haven’t had a long vacation or break in the Summer in decades, I can’t even remember. Anyway, for better or for worse, things will go back to the regular routine on Monday.

 

  The situation with Crystal has actually been pretty routine today I can say.  I’ve heard her voice chattering faintly in the background for most of the day. I fell asleep without too much difficulty last night. However, there was one strange and unsettling incident that occurred. It happened about twenty minutes or so after I had gotten into bed, maybe a bit later. I was lying on my back as I often do while I’m waiting to fall asleep. Suddenly, I began feeling a sensation down on my lower right side. At first, I wasn’t too terribly surprised by this. I mean I feel these sensations to one degree or another every night after all. But, after a few moments I began to realize that this particular sensation was a bit out of the ordinary.

 

  I have previously described how a common sensation that I feel at night is the feeling of jabs coming up through the mattress of the bed, poking me in my back. Usually it’s like a finger coming up through the mattress, or sometimes it’s like these little fingers pinching my back through the mattress. This was something similar to that, except it was much larger. The closest analogy I could give would be that it was more like a whole fist coming up through the mattress.

 

   It was not centered on my back, but off to my lower right side. It became so intense that it seemed like it was about to actually lift me up off the bed a bit. It was a very materialized and solid presence I would say. I confess that it put me into a bit of a panic. I thought that this might finally be it, that Crystal’s going to materialize completely now and attack me full force. I turned over onto my side and then the sensation changed to that familiar feeling of something clinging to my back. At least that sensation wasn’t quite as disturbing and I managed to fall asleep fairly quickly from there.

 

   It was definitely one of those incidents where I was hit with that unsettling feeling that I was describing previously, that feeling where the reality that this bizarre situation is actually happening really hits me. This has been quite a common occurrence recently. As I was saying, in many ways I feel that things had improved for me in 2020. Crystal does not cause as much of a disturbance in my life these days as she did in 2015 and 2016 for example. I think that part of this is just me becoming desensitized to her presence in some ways. I suppose this might simply be inevitable.

 

  Another reason I think is that just with what’s been going on in my life recently, with how things have become very busy with my work situation in the past year, I feel that this has forced me to push thoughts about Crystal‘s presence into the background a bit more, whether intentionally or not. As hectic as things have been in the past year, I still consider that a good thing. I feel more like my old self I guess you could say.

 

   However, I do believe that Crystal is reacting to this by causing these incidents where it feels like the reality of all this is really hitting me hard. I mean I am not exaggerating here, last night it seemed like a fully formed fist or something like that was coming up through the mattress of my bed and was about to actually lift me or push me off the bed itself. What I felt was very pronounced, there was no mistaking that this was actually happening to me. This is how it is with many of these incidents that I have been experiencing recently, there’s no denying them, there’s no denying that they are being caused by a real external presence. It is a presence that is invisible to me most of the time, but a very real presence all the same.

 

  Actually, I’ve been hearing Crystal talking about her invisibility a little bit over the course of the past couple of days. I heard her saying something about it yesterday and then again this morning. I don’t remember all of it exactly, you have to understand that there’s just always this constant chatter coming at me and I’m not even trying to tune my hearing into it most of the time. This morning I remember that she said something like “don’t really think of it in dimensional terms, it has more to do with gravity, you can’t see us because of the Earth’s gravity.”  She may have added a little more to it, I just don’t remember. But, that did strike me as an odd statement from her and I remembered that I heard her saying the same thing yesterday as well. I do not know what she meant by this exactly, or why she would start saying this now. This is an example of the cryptic manner in which she often speaks. I have often said that in a way, it seems like she has her own language of riddles.

 

  I have also noticed that she has been talking about angels quite a lot these past couple of days as well. In the past, I’ve heard her referring to herself and others like her as “angels”, or talking about “the angels” in general, or using the term “angelic” to describe something.  This is actually nothing out of the ordinary for her. She likes to play a mind game with me when it comes to her identity. She seems to want me to feel confused and frustrated about it and to keep me wondering about it. She makes many claims about herself. Yet, they usually tend to fall into three general categories. There are her claims to be a spirit of human origin, her claims to be some type of extraterrestrial, or her claims that seem to touch upon religious themes, such as saying that she’s some kind of angel.

 

   Within these three main categories, she continues to change her stories around and go off in many different directions with them. Yet, they generally do stay within one of these three general categories. Just from my observations, it seems like she was focusing on claims about being an extraterrestrial more than anything else recently. However, here she’s bringing back some of the religious themes again. This is nothing new for her. Touching upon religious themes has been something that she’s done since the very beginning. In fact, I would say that it was her main theme back in the early days of my attachment situation. I haven’t really been picking up on too much of what she’s been saying about this, about angels that is. As I said, I’m usually not trying to tune my hearing into it. However, if she starts repeating words several times a day, I do begin to pick up on that. The more she repeats a certain word or theme, then eventually I will take notice.

 

 Well, I am going to just try and relax for the rest of the evening now. It’s the last night of my break where I can stay up a little later and not have to worry about waking up early the next day. If I was wise, I would go to bed early tomorrow night just so I feel well rested at work on Monday. It wouldn’t surprise me if Crystal tried to attack me tomorrow night in some way just to try to make me feel tired on Monday. As I was saying previously, for two years in a row now I have noticed that she’s been escalating things on Christmas Eve. These are the kinds of stunts that she pulls. Actually, I’m going to go out and grab some more sleep-aid right now. I just remembered that I’m getting very low. I would definitely feel better knowing that I’m stocked up, or the chances of having a rough night will go increase greatly most likely.

 

 

 

 

 January 3, 2020 

 

Tomorrow it’s back to work. My eighteen day break is almost at an end. I have mixed feelings about that. As I was saying yesterday, I’ve been feeling somewhat lethargic this past week, not having to go by my usual day-to-day routine. It made me realize yet again that for me, being in this situation with Crystal, it’s very important that I have something else in my life to direct my attention on or to at least attempt to direct my attention on. I wouldn’t say that Crystal escalated things over my break. However, I think that the impact of her presence is lessened when I’m keeping myself busy with my job. I’m very grateful that the presence of Crystal and her chattering voice doesn’t impact me much at all when I’m at work these days. I mean, I’ll hear her voice at times when I’m working, but it doesn’t distract me like it did back in the early days.

 

  I remember one incident back during the Summer of 2015, back when things were much worse, where I was speaking with a customer face-to-face and I was hearing this voice speaking directly into one of my ears just repeating over and over again “this is really happening”… “this is really happening”. On that day, it was very hard for me to hold it together. It wouldn’t surprise me if the customer thought I was stoned or intoxicated in some way.

 

  I have some degree of apprehension about the upcoming year. I know it’s going to be very hectic and stressful at times with regards to my job. However, I think if I didn’t have that, or something to put my focus on, then Crystal‘s presence would definitely have more of a negative impact on my life. For someone going through a similar situation, I would say it’s definitely an advantage to have something to really throw yourself into. It doesn’t necessarily have to be your job, it could be a hobby such as music or art or fishing or sports, just something to throw yourself into, to try and direct your focus upon.

 

   Anyway, not much has been happening today. It’s raining and rather dreary out right now. I made it off to sleep without too much difficulty last night. Throughout the day, I’ve been hearing Crystal‘s voice quite a bit, but I have not been paying attention to it and so far it has not caused me too much of a disturbance. I remember that I was feeling some physical sensations when I first woke up this morning, but it was nothing too intense. It was mainly just that feeling of something clinging to me.

 

   The physical sensations are by far more intense for me at night when I’m in bed trying to fall asleep. However, it has become quite routine now for me to also feel them in the morning when I first wake up. Sometimes, when I wake up, I’m not up and out of bed in an instant. Sometimes I need about five or ten minutes to drag myself out of bed. The longer I linger there, the more likely it is that I’ll start to feel these bodily sensations. Obviously they are more of a disturbance at night when I’m trying to fall asleep as opposed to when I wake up and I’m trying to get out of bed and get going. However, I have noticed that this is something of a change in my situation.

 

  To the best of my recollection, I do not recall having incidents of experiencing the physical sensations first thing in the morning very often for quite a long time in my situation. I would say that the exception to this was back when it was starting, back in the Spring of 2015.  I recollect that for the first few years, it just wasn’t something that occurred on a regular basis in the morning. The sensations would be something that I would mostly experience at night. The truth is though, they can occur at any time. They can occur at any time that I’m either sitting still or lying down. That is one thing about them, they almost always occur when I am not moving, when I’m stationary. There have been a few exceptions to this, but not too many.

 

  Maybe this is part of what I was talking about yesterday, how Crystal is reacting to the fact that in the past year, I’ve been so preoccupied with my work that her presence has had less of an impact on me. I simply do not know, I just observe that periodically there are new developments in my situation, or certain things will change to one degree or another. In some ways, there are aspects about the situation that seem to never change, such as Crystal’s attitude. That’s what can be frustrating about it, it can just wear you down and tire you out. An example of this would be how I’ve pleaded and pleaded with Crystal to back off with her harassing me at night when I’m trying to fall sleep, but it always ends up being a futile attempt. So far, that’s been one thing about this situation that hasn’t changed. Yet, sometimes Crystal can switch up the order of things a little. Or sometimes, it’ll seem like all of a sudden now she has some new or stronger ability. An example of this would be some of these physical sensations that I experience, how some of them seem much more “materialized” than they did in the past.

 

  But yes, some aspects just don’t seem to change and that can be very frustrating. As I was mentioning previously, just hearing Crystal‘s voice doesn’t shock or even disturb me nearly as much as it used to. It’s just become part of the everyday background noise of my world I guess you could say. Maybe that’s both a good and a bad thing. On the one hand, it’s not getting as much of a negative reaction out of me as it once did, but it also means that something about me has changed, that my life truly is much different than it used to be.

 

  This brings to mind an incident that I had about two years ago. It was during the Summertime I remember. I woke up suddenly one night at around two in the morning. I don’t know what it was that caused me to wake up, I just remember that it was very sudden. I did what I often do when I wake up unexpectedly in the middle the night. I went into my bathroom and took another dose of sleep-aid because I wanted to get back to sleep as quick and easy as I could. However, I did decide to go outside and smoke a cigarette real fast. While I was outside smoking, something unexpected struck me, something very profound.

 

   It took a few moments for me to realize what it was, but then it just hit me. I was hearing complete and total silence. It was around two in the morning, so there wasn’t really a lot of noise in the environment around my apartment. But, it wasn’t just that. I noticed that I wasn’t hearing Crystal‘s voice at all, not in the slightest. What had struck me and what was so profound was a sense that I was hearing complete silence. It seemed like some distant memory resurfacing. Thoughts crossed my mind that this is how the world once sounded to me, a world without these voices. Surprisingly, the silence lasted for about fifteen or twenty minutes and then I noticed that Crystal’s voice returned. This is one of the very few occasions where I suspect that possibly she left my presence and went somewhere else. After all, I did wake up unexpectedly, so maybe she wasn’t anticipating that I would wake up suddenly like I did and she traveled away somewhere. I guess I’ll never know, but that is an incident that has stuck in my memory.  It also serves as an example that yes, at least with this, my world has changed…the sound of my world has changed.

 

 

 

January 4, 2021

 

  It was my first day back to work today after having eighteen days off. It was rough waking up early this morning and dragging myself off to work. As I had been saying, part of me wanted to get back to some kind of routine. Yet, I certainly liked not having to wake up early and be anywhere in particular. That was very nice. I had a little trouble getting off to sleep last night, but I don’t think it was really because of anything the Crystal was doing. If anything, the physical sensations were very minimal. I was hearing her voice chattering faintly, yet continuously. I think it was more of a case of me jinxing myself. I kept thinking that I need to get a good night of sleep on Sunday night so that I can wake up early on Monday morning. I was afraid that I would sleep right through the alarm and be late for work. So just this anxiety I think, caused me a bit of trouble falling asleep last night.

 

  I did eventually fall asleep at around one in the morning. One thing that did occur, I had quite a vivid dream last night. What was weird about it is that it happened when I was in that state where it seemed like I wasn’t completely asleep, but rather just mostly asleep. Basically, I was in that in-between zone that I often talk about. What I find strange here though is that this just seemed like a regular normal dream. It wasn’t a bad dream. There was nothing in the dream that seemed like any kind of reference to Crystal or any of these other entities. It was just a regular normal dream. I remember it took place back in my old house, the house that I grew up in. I woke up from it rather suddenly.  I’m not really sure why. I remember thinking right away that this didn’t seem like a dream that was manipulated in anyway by Crystal. I actually heard her voice just after I woke up saying that “this was a strange dream”. This once again gave me the impression that she can see my dreams just as I see them.

 

  She must have heard my thoughts when I was thinking that this dream didn’t seem like one that she had a hand in, because I heard her voice say that “she had nothing to do with this dream”. So here is a case where things are going against the recent norm. It’s just my observation that for quite a while, it seemed that these dreams that I was having periodically that occurred closer to the time when I fell asleep or when I slipped into that in-between zone, were the suspicious ones. These were almost always bad dreams, and I felt that there was a good chance they were being created or manipulated by Crystal in some way.  This seemed to me to be the case time and time again. As I was saying previously, it seems like for quite a while I wasn’t even having regular, normal dreams and if I was, I couldn’t remember them at all.

 

   As far as I can tell, it’s just been within the past year or so that it seems like I’ve started having regular dreams again. However, these regular dreams tend to happen after I had already been asleep for a few hours. So in this case, that didn’t hold true. So, I don’t know what’s going on with my dream situation here. All I can say is that it definitely seems like I’m having more dreams recently. The good news here is that many of them are just regular normal dreams as far as I can tell, and not the suspicious kind.

 

  Another thing that happened today was that I was corresponding with somebody on social media for a bit that I’ve known for a few years now who is also dealing with an attachment situation very similar to my own. The start of his situation also involved recording for EVP. I was telling him about how I often feel jabs, pokes and pinches from Crystal coming up through the mattress of my bed at night. I told him how it seems like she’s literally right there inside the mattress and that she can go right through it with ease. I told him about the incident that I had a few nights ago where it seemed like a fully formed fist was rising up out of the mattress and I thought that it might even tip me over off the bed. We were kicking around some ideas about doing some experiments, maybe trying to see if there’s some material I can put down over the bed to see if it would stop Crystal from doing this. It’s been a while since I conducted any experiments with this situation. I’ll give it a shot. I’d sleep on a bed of stone if I had to, if that works. It would be nice to find something, some material that Crystal can’t reach through. I’m feeling motivated to look into this. I’m all for experimenting, trying to find something that has some sort of effect on these entities, or something to thwart their intrusions in some way.

 

  There have been certain little things that I’ve discovered over time that seem to help counteract the intrusions of these entities. One is something that I recognized back in the early days of my situation. Back then, I would often hear the voices coming through quite loud and clear through various sources of steady background noise. This still happens today to some degree, but it was much worse back in the beginning. For quite a while, the whole world sounded very different, very surreal. If I was driving in my car with the window down for example, I would hear voices talking to me through the sound of the rushing wind. I would hear voices coming through the sound of running water as well. I also remember hearing Crystal‘s voice heckling me while I was at work. I would be sitting at my desk and I would hear her voice coming through the sound of the computer tower. It wasn’t even a loud noise, but it was steady enough for her to amplify her voice.

 

   I do not hear her voice through as many background sounds today I’m glad to say, but it does still happen. It’s wintertime now, so I’m often running my heater at night these days. I’ll often hear Crystal’s voice projected and amplified over the sound of this. Yet, back around the Autumn of 2015 I believe it was, I began to realize that if I was having a really rough time dealing with this, I could “jam” these voices. I noticed that while they seemed to be amplified by certain steady background sounds, they were often blocked out almost entirely by sounds that fluctuated rapidly. For example, when I first moved into my apartment and I was using the dishwashing machine, I noticed that suddenly it seemed like there wasn’t any voices around at all. I realized it was the fluctuating sound of the dishwasher that was blocking them or “jamming” them as I say. I realized that when I’m running my washing machine it’s the same thing, it drowns out the voices, it blocks them quite significantly.

 

  So, if I was having a particularly rough time hearing the voices bombarding me through some steady sound, I would sometimes deliberately turn on my dishwasher or run my washing machine even if I wasn’t doing laundry, just so the fluctuating noise would drown out the voices. It often worked quite well.

 

  So, now I need to find something the block Crystal from jabbing me in the back at night. I’m willing to do a bit of experimenting with this. I think that’s how we will one day hopefully be able to learn more about situations like this. If people record and pass along what they’ve learned, what they’ve seen be effective against these entities, then I think that will be of great benefit to others.

 

 

 

 

January 5, 2021

 

  Well it’s my second day back to work. I suppose I’m starting to get back into the old routine. Waking up early is something that I’m still finding a bit difficult however. This morning I had some activity with the physical sensations, a little more than usual. I wouldn’t call it an attack, but it was aggravating enough, I’ll leave it at that. I had my alarm set for seven o’clock. I awoke just a few minutes before that. Right away I could feel the physical presence, the physical presence that by now is quite familiar to me. It was one of those mornings where I couldn’t just get out of bed right away. It took me a few minutes to muster up the strength and motivation to get moving. In part, I became motivated to get out of bed because these physical sensations kept aggravating me no matter which way I turned. I was hearing Crystal‘s voice chattering faintly, so I suspect that once again she is was culprit with this. Like I said, I wouldn’t call it an intense attack or anything, but it was quite annoying, especially since I was in the process of just waking up.

 

  I was just browsing around on the internet a little bit ago. I checked out a forum for people that hear voices that I take a look at every now and again. Someone had written a post and was talking about how they believe that a lot of cases of people hearing voices is related to secret government technology. Some believe that they are being targeted or experimented on as part of some secret covert government operation. I’ve seen these kinds of posts many times before. Typically, I have a little to say about them. I just feel that in my situation, I don’t think any government is involved in anyway what so ever. I’ll leave it at that. However, I guess in some way, I very much understand holding a personal belief or opinion that seems very far out and unbelievable to most people. I know that my own story sounds just like that, so when I see these other accounts and what some others believe it to be, rather than feeling compelled to disagree with them, I would say I have more of an understanding, at least in how they feel, how it’s like for them holding this belief that many would find far-fetched and perhaps not take seriously.

 

  I have thought about it in relation to my own situation at times, not much…. but I have.  Just with how my whole situation began with EVP recording and with the whole physical component to it, I’m led to believe that as strange is government technology that can create voices may be, this is something even more mysterious perhaps, something a bit more otherworldly.

 

  I have reflected a little bit on an alternate scenario to my current situation. I have asked myself the question in the past that what if the things that I experience now didn’t start to occur after I had been in experimenting with EVP recording or any kind of spirit or astral communication for that matter. What if just one day out of the blue, I started to experience hearing these intruding voices and feeling these bodily sensations? What if I couldn’t link it back to any origin, no matter how mysterious? What thoughts would be going through my mind then? Would I think it’s an illness, or perhaps would I think there is some kind of secret technology invovled? To be honest, I just don’t know what I would be thinking. It’s a very personal experience, I will say that. It’s a very complicated, often confusing, personal experience and there’s bound to be many different opinions and beliefs about it.

 

   There have been many times when I’ve shared my experiences with others online and I was pretty much dismissed out right as being delusional. It used to bother me back in the day, but it doesn’t anymore. I understand that my story sounds very strange, stretching the limits of belief perhaps. As I said, it’s a very personal experience, so if someone has never experienced anything like this before, then they are most likely not going to understand completely.

 

  One of the reasons why I keep a journal like this is that I want to at least try and allow people to understand what these experiences are like. I feel compelled to at least make an attempt at this, especially since I am aware that sometimes conditions like my own are brought about by doing specific things, such as experimenting with EVP or other forms of spirit communication. Another reason why I keep a journal and share it is because I want to document the little things, the little details that are involved with this situation. I want to go beyond the terms themselves, such as “spirit attachment” or “entity attachment”. I want to try and show what that term “attachment” means, what it looks like and how it can effect one’s life, even down to the relatively minor things.

 

  Just a couple of weeks ago, I heard Crystal make a comment about this. She told me that I should title this journal that I’m working on here “the small things of astral oppression”. No doubt she sees that I’m documenting this situation that she and I are involved in here, down to the minor details to some degree. Well, I may or may not someday use this title that she suggested. I do think that there is something more going on with some of these cases, some phenomenon we do not fully understand as of yet. There may be little understanding of it in my lifetime. But, I think that we can definitely learn something from what those who have had these experiences have to say. If we look at these accounts and we examine the details, no matter how small, maybe we will start to notice patterns in them, maybe we will start to gain greater understanding someday. I do hope so.

 

 Just in dealing with this entity Crystal for as long as I have, I confess that I am baffled by her motives and I am all too aware that she feels that she can stay as long as she pleases without any regard to my personal-inner sovereignty as an individual. It is my hope that someday we may be able to find better ways and means of ending these kinds of oppressive attachment situations. I suppose that first there has to be a broader understanding that this phenomenon does in fact exist. I think it’s accurate to say that the situation has left me with more questions than answers. But one thing that I’ve learned is that there is definitely something else out there, something else out there beyond just the material world that we see with our eyes. What it is still remains a mystery to us to a large degree. Perhaps it always will.

 

  Well, I think I’m going to end this journal here. I know that this journal only covers a relatively short amount of time. That’s just how I am with keeping a journal. I’ll keep one for a time and then I’ll take a break from it. This wasn’t my first journal and it won’t be the last. Sometimes, I just feel that even though I feel compelled to document and share these experiences, at times I also feel compelled to step back from it at least as much as I’m able to for as long as I’m able to.

 

  So, this short journal covers where I’m at right now in my situation... at the end of 2020 and the beginning of 2021. Many things have changed since it all began for me back in 2015. However, some things have stayed the same for the most part. I’m not perceiving the presence of nearly as many voices now as I was in the beginning, but one remains, one that has been here all along…Crystal. Crystal is still attached to my life and she still remains an intrusive presence. I’ll take a break from writing about this situation for a while, but I will return to writing and documenting these experiences if they continue. Yet who knows, I may wake up one morning in the near future and realize that something very profound has happened. This something may not be the strength of Crystal’s voice or the intensity of the physical sensations that she causes me to feel. This profound something may be that all of these things are finally gone and that the world once again seems the same to me as it once did in the past.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2020-2021