Hearing Voices Entity Attachment : Truth of Mind Games : 5/30/21

 May 30, 2021

 Well it’s the weekend and what a miserable weekend it is. By this I mean the weather, the weather has been miserable here for the past two days. This would normally have been my day off from work, but since it’s a holiday weekend, I went into the office for a few hours today, though I’m not really sure that I needed to ....things were very quiet. This holiday weekend is usually a very busy weekend where I work, but this year the weather just put a damper on it. I don’t mind at all, things have been hectic enough there recently so I rather enjoyed the quiet. At least I’ll have tomorrow off. I’m definitely not going into work tomorrow ....we are closed.

  I just wanted to to follow up on what I was discussing in my last blog post, the one that I made yesterday. I was talking about a comment that I heard Crystal say yesterday afternoon. I heard her makes a comment.... “your own Central Intelligence Agency doesn’t even suspect that the voices are the extraterrestrials.”  As I was saying in my last blog post, on the one hand I take this kind of comment from Crystal with a grain of salt, and I went on to say that this is actually a kind of defense mechanism that I’ve gained since the early days of my attachment situation. When I hear her make comments like this, generally my first reaction is to not place any meaning in it, to regard it with suspicion because one of her main tactics since all this began has been to mess with my head with various forms of psychological mind games. Most of these mind games involved things that she was saying to me.......the content of the what she was saying.  

  As I mentioned, earlier in my situation, the content of what these voices were speaking was a little more personal, it was more directed at me. However, these days I’m really only hearing Crystal’s voice still on a day-to-day basis and she’s scaled back on playing these mind games that are centered around me. Occasionally she still will, but in place I’ll hear her make these kinds of mysterious statements that are referring to much broader things, things that go well beyond me, such as extraterrestrials and UFOs and beings from other dimensions and worlds and.....well she says all sorts of things. So, as I was saying ....just as a kind of defense mechanism, I don’t place much meaning in the statements that I hear from her. However, I also was talking about how I don’t outright dismiss what she said to me yesterday either because if nothing else, it’s plainly clear to me that there is something mysterious going on here. 

  When Crystal is talking to me about extraterrestrials and UFOs, I don’t know if she’s telling me the truth, or even a small bit of truth, I simply don’t know. I know that in the past she has used deception and manipulation and exaggeration to an extreme degree, so I always have to be on guard about this. However, I’m not ruling out the possibility that sometimes her statements contain a bit of truth. Just with this statement about extraterrestrials yesterday, well this is not a topic that I can dismiss outright. There’s been some strange happenings in the news over the course of the past few years. There have been a number of  UFO incidents involving the military and it seems like more and more these days I’m seeing mention of these kinds of things on the news networks. It seems like this subject is no longer quite so out there on the fringes. There’s been some very real occurrences that we just don’t have explanations for, explanations other than that there is in fact some thing mysteriously going on here. So, I find myself in the same kind of position here with Crystal. On the one hand, I know that she uses deception that’s a deliberate tactic, but on the other I cannot deny her existence, that she’s real, that this is all really happening and that it is very mysterious.

  I also mentioned yesterday that (at least for now) I’ve given up on even trying to establish a set belief about what’s going on here, and about who Crystal is. I feel this way because she doesn’t stick to one story, to one claim. One day she’ll claim to be a spirit of human origin for example, but then the next day she might be claiming to be something else. And it’s not just this that’s the problem for me with trying to establish a belief about it, it’s that she’s equally convincing in a way....with each of these claims. When she speaks about being of human origin, and she speaks from a human point of view, she can sound very convincing. As I mentioned, at times I find myself wanting to believe her with this because at least with this claim, she’s talking about things that I can at least wrap my head around. However, when she’s claiming to be something other than of human origin, she can also sound equally convincing, and even more than just how she sounds or what she is saying about it.  It’s just an impression I pick up from her, a vibe that yes, she seems very different. Let me just say it’s all very complicated and confusing and I know that I’m failing  here in trying to sort it all out in any effective manner.

  Last night, I had another incident that is a prime example of these back-and-forth claims from Crystal. It was probably around eight or nine at night. I was watching a movie, then I went outside to smoke a cigarette. It was raining heavily, but I simply don’t like to smoke inside of my apartment, so I’ll still go outside in the rain. While I was out there having a cigarette, I heard her say something along the lines of ...”there is no doubt that you are speaking with someone who was in high school in 1983”...or she said something like that. She said a little more this time, so I didn’t retain it all word for word. She said something about being an English major and then she mentioned the year 1978 and said something about that. In other words, she was back to speaking from a human perspective and telling me something about herself when she was living on the Earth. Here she wasn’t saying anything about aliens or UFOs or anything like that. She had flipped the story back around once again. 

  I’m not surprised by this, this literally happens all the time, but it is a little frustrating. As I was saying previously, gaining this ability to become very indifferent to the content of what I have heard these voices saying, especially Crystal, has greatly improved things in my situation I feel. I would even go so far as to say it’s been a game changer. It hasn’t ended the situation, but I would say that it was pivotal in changing the situation so that things began improving instead of getting worse. If I could go back in time and ask myself how things were going in April 2015, I would say something along the lines of...”it’s just getting worse and worse by the day.” However, if I asked myself the same question a year later, I would’ve probably said ...”at least things are starting to get better now with time.” Becoming indifferent to what I was hearing the voices saying was a big part in making this happen I feel. 

  Something else that I find has brought about even more improvement in my situation is letting go of any lingering animosity towards these entities, especially Crystal. By this, I mean animosity on a personal level, like holding a personal grudge. Even though I am all too aware that my own actions during the winter of 2015 had brought about this situation, well that didn’t make me feel any less bitter about it. I can understand Crystal wanting to teach me a lesson about poking my nose in where didn’t belong, but I felt that she went way too far. I felt it what she was doing was out right sadistic. So, for the first few years of this attachment situation, I carried around quite a bit of bitterness towards these entity attachments, and again.... especially Crystal.....as she has always been the main one. 

  However, back in 2019 something came over me where I just let go of this lingering bitterness. Earlier on, Crystal would bring me to the point of anger quite frequently. Sometimes, I would literally start cursing at her out loud, especially if she was disrupting me while I was trying to fall asleep, which she seemed to do quite a lot. However, these days she hardly ever brings me to the point where I’m angry like that. It’s true that in my opinion, I don’t believe she’s as hostile as she once was towards me. Yet, she is still very intrusive and to me she seems very indifferent still about being so intrusive. So, I would still expect that she’d make me quite angry every now and again, but she doesn’t anymore and I think this is mainly because of the different mindset that I took back in 2019,  where I just let go of the bitterness and the anger. I am still very much appalled  by the things that these entity attachments do, by their methods of harassing someone. I certainly understand why I felt better about it. Yet, back in 2019, I realized that being bitter about it was simply playing into their hands. More likely than not, it was actually what they wanted. I realized that being bitter about it wasn’t hurting them in anyway, it wasn’t an effective means of fighting back, all that it was doing was filling me with these negative emotions. Perhaps I always knew this to be true, it’s just that the realization really hit me back in 2019, that for a better way to oppose them was to be the opposite of them. They seemed filled with anger and bitterness, well then I would try to be the opposite. I would oppose them by being the opposite and doing the opposite. So, I just let go of the bitterness, I’m surprised that I was able to do this  so easily, but that’s how it went down. I do not hate Crystal. I don’t understand what her motivations are, but I don’t hate her, and I don’t want revenge. A far better outcome to the situation I feel would be if she changed, if she stopped seeking to harm others. I would be much happier with seeing her change rather than getting some kind of revenge against her.

  However, with this mindset that I have about it now, things can still get a little complicated when it comes to how I deal with the things that I hear her saying to me. I essentially do take it all with a grain of salt as a kind of defense mechanism, but I have to be careful that I’m not dismissing her comments too coldly, if that’s a good way to put it and I’m not sure about that. 

  As I said, I would rather see her change than get any kind of payback. So I realized that if this is my hope, then perhaps I shouldn’t be quite so dismissive of her comments across-the-board. If she were trying to change, even in the slightest degree initially, then I would expect that she would start speaking at least a bit more truthfully to me. So on the one hand, I am willing to communicate with her if we’re being truthful with each other.  The problem is that I simply don’t know when she’s being truthful, or if she’s ever being truthful.  All I know is that she deceived me a whole lot  in the past. Basically, what I’m saying is that I don’t want to just dismiss her comments out of a kind of cold indifference, but I still feel compelled to be indifferent about it and understandably so I think. I suppose it boils down to ...that I am ready and willing to communicate with Crystal in a truthful manner in the hopes of bringing about further improvement to the situation. In order to do this, I suppose that I would have to be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt sometimes with what she is saying to me. However, I’m just not seeing any consistent signs from her that she’s given up on using deception to such a large degree. Just these two contradictory statements that she made within the past two days are a perfect example of this. One day she’s talking about aliens and the next day she’s telling me about when she was in high school back in the early 1980s. What am I to make of this? What am I to do? 

  Well I guess the best thing to do is to try and remain indifferent to her statements. It’s better to be cautious. Until I see some clear sign of her changing, some sign that she’s not intentionally trying to simply mess with my head with her statements, then I should stick with not placing much value in her comments. I just want to say though that I wish things were different, I guess that’s what I’m trying to say with all of this. I don’t know who Crystal is and I don’t know where she comes from, but I’ve always said here in my writings that she has a story, she’s an individual with her own  personality and she has her own story. I just don’t know what her story is, because she obscures it from me.

   So, I wanted to just write another post about this, even though I know I’m rambling here, I just want to say that while on the one hand I wanted to show this as a clear example of the kind of mind games that these entity attachments use on a person, to some degree I’m just feeling a little disappointment that things are still this way with myself and Crystal. I don’t know if the situation can change, maybe she is of very different origins and this is all a part of something that is well beyond my understanding. Perhaps it’s naïve to even hope that we could establish any kind of real dialogue where we were being truthful with each other and working towards sorting things out. I don’t know, and that’s what’s so frustrating about it sometimes, and when I hear these contradictory comments from her....always going back and forth back and forth, well it’s simply does add to the sense of frustration.