Hearing Voices After EVP Recording : 6/18/2021

 June 18, 2021

  Well, I’m back just reporting in....bringing things up to date. I haven’t found the time to write on this blog as much as I’d hoped recently. This is mainly because I’m experiencing a very busy and hectic time with my job situation right now. This wasn’t a surprise to me. I’m always busy this time of year, but I knew this year would be quite a rough one. I work in an industry that became busier as a result of the global pandemic situation. So I knew that this was going to be a very busy year and while that’s good in many ways, sometimes I feel it’s not so good for me given the situation that I’m dealing with with this entity attachment. There’s pros and cons to it you could say. On the one hand, I really don’t have too much to report, because there hasn’t been too many significant incidents involving Crystal these past few weeks. I’ve simply been too preoccupied with work and I’ve simply felt too exhausted to be bothered much by anything she’s doing. Though there’s been a couple incidents and I’ll get to that. 

   Being busy is very helpful in that it gives me something that distracts me. The only issue is that when this distraction is also tied in with anxiety, well then it’s not always necessarily a good thing in regards to my dealings with Crystal, it can adds to the sense of absurdity that I often feel. I’ve use this word before in previous blog post here....absurd. I don’t mean this in a comical sense or anything like that. I mean it more in the philosophical sense.  There is a philosophical school of thought called Absurdism. I am not claiming to be an expert in it or anything like that, but I know something of the general sense of it and sometimes I just feel it hitting me. 

  It’s not something that I’m necessarily embracing, but more it’s something that I feel hits me at times like a cold wind. To sum it up, this absurdity that I feel is basically that on the one hand I’m dealing with this very mysterious and complicated entity attachment  situation, which has had a huge impact on my life since 2015.  Then on the other hand, I’m dealing with stress and aggravation just from everyday bullshit... the minutia of life. Now I’m aware that the minutia of life is just a part of life itself.  Maybe if I studied a bit harder back when I was in school, well I would be doing something that didn’t aggravate me so much. But, that’s neither here nor there at this point. It’s hard to describe, but basically it’s that I know that I’m experiencing something very mysterious and very powerful and very real here and I try to find some kind of meaning in it, or my mind is always contemplating what does it all mean? What should I be doing?  I keep running into a brick wall of the absurd so to speak.

   I’ve struggled a great deal to hold onto my little world. Back in 2015 when this situation all began, I thought my life as I knew it was over. This was back when I was hearing many more voices besides Crystal and I just couldn’t see how I would ever be able to function again, or carry on my life again as I had known it. I didn’t see how I could do that when these voices were just invading my perceptions and in fact my life to such a degree. I’m sure on this blog at some point I told the story of how I used to say to myself back during the spring of 2015.....” this might be the day that I make the call, this might be it.” By the call, I mean there were times when I was so distraught by what was happening that I figured that I should call some institution or hospital or such and have them just take me away, that it was too difficult to try and carry on with my life as if this wasn’t happening. Somehow I managed to get through it, I managed to get through those dark days, but I still I have this sense sometimes that I can’t deny the fact that this is happening.... which is perhaps mainly what I’ve been trying to do these past few years. 

  Part of this here is just me griping about all of the annoying things that I’m dealing with at work right now, and the stress that I’m dealing with, so forgive me for that. But on another level, sometimes I feel that perhaps it would be better if I try to make a change in my life, perhaps trying to avoid stress, put aside financial concerns and make my mental health the number one focus here. I can’t avoid financial concerns, that’s a part of life too. But I find myself more and more these days feeling like it would be better if I was doing something different, even if it meant less money. If it was less anxiety for me, then that should be most important.

   It’s not that Crystal‘s presence causes me that much anxiety anymore, in fact I would say that it doesn’t, at least not very often. Yet, what her presence does do is kind of box me in where on the one hand, I keep slamming into the mystery that she represents, and all of the unanswered questions that go with her presence in my life, and then just the day-to-day bullshit that’s been getting to me more and more these days. It’s like I go in one direction and I slam into a wall and then I turn around .....go in the other direction and I slam into a wall and the result is a feeling of the absurd. All right, and I suppose I’m grabbing a little too much here, again please forgive me.

 Well, as I was saying I don’t really have too much to report as far as incidents with Crystal go. I literally have been so distracted that I haven’t been much bothered by anything that she’s doing. I feel that she might be backing away as well. Perhaps she sees that I am distracted right now and she’s just not trying to grab my attention as much. Yet, I’m still hearing her voice  every day. I’m still feeling the physical sensations every night as well, but I haven’t experienced anything too intense recently,  With the exception of an incident that occurred last Sunday afternoon.

   Last Sunday, I woke up a little late, which is fine I’ve been tired recently. I felt exhausted that morning, and I had to go out and do some work related stuff later that day, which I wasn’t looking forward to. This is also something that I gripe about here sometimes on my blog, how this time of year I often end up doing work related stuff on my day off.....apologies again. But anyway, I had to go out soon and take care of these few issues, but I was feeling tired, so I decided I would just lie down for a little bit. I didn’t want to fall asleep and I just kept thinking that “I don’t want to fall asleep”.....” I don’t want to fall asleep.” But I just wanted to rest a little. So I got in bed and maybe fifteen or twenty minutes go by, and I’m starting to drift into that in-between zone that I often describe...that state between being awake and being asleep....being a little of both essentially. 

 Out of the blue I just feel these physical sensations hitting me big time. Most of it was centered around my stomach, I was lying on my back, and it was just like something was pouncing on me in a sense. I was hearing Crystal‘s voice, so I knew it was her. Now, I feel Crystal’s presence in a physical manner practically every day to one degree or another. However, as I mentioned previously, there are these occasions where she turns things up several notches and the physical sensations become much more intense.  This was definitely one of those occasions. My first thought was that she was attacking me ......basically because often when I experience these more intense physical sensations, it’s at night and it often occurs right when I feel like I’m about to drift off into sleep. When this occurs it’s clear to me that she’s doing this intentionally to try and deprive me of sleep. 

  That was my first thought when this occurred last Sunday afternoon.  This time the sensations were much stronger than they typically are. I don’t want to say I’ve never felt them as strong, but they were definitely stronger than I felt them in quite a long time. On a scale of one to ten, I’d put it somewhere at an eight or nine. Yes, my first thought was that I was being attacked and I became a bit angry. This might seem trivial, but it’s significant because Crystal hasn’t brought me to the point of anger in quite a while. This has been something that I’ve been intentionally trying to avoid since 2019. 

  Since 2019, I’ve been very much trying to make an effort to not let Crystal bring me to the point of anger and to let go feelings of animosity and bitterness towards her. I’m sure I’ve written about this previously here on this blog, and there’s a whole backstory to this, but just to sum it up.... basically it was really hitting me back in 2019 that carrying around this sense of animosity towards Crystal and the other entities that tormented the hell out of me since 2015, was only hurting me. I wasn’t hurting them back by carrying around these emotions. If anything, this was probably part of their goal, this was probably what they wanted. So I decided to stop playing into it. I decided that I would find a different way to oppose them and that was to do the opposite of what they wanted me to do. It seemed to me that they were tormenting me and being such an intrusive presence in my life to get a reaction out of me, to make me angry... or depressed ...or afraid. Instead of getting angry and lashing out, I would try and remain calm. Sure, cursing Crystal out may have temporarily made me feel better, but afterwards I realized that I handed her a small victory there. 

  If I remember correctly, there was an incident back in 2019, where one day just as I was leaving work, Crystal did something that made me very angry and I started to curse her out, either vocally, or just in my thoughts, or both.  I remember that she really pissed me off and afterwards I just felt like it was so pointless to get angry, and that I had just essentially fallen into her trap..... that I handed her a victory by doing this. So I just decided to purge myself of these feelings of animosity as much as I could. I knew it wouldn’t be perfect, but I will say things have improved greatly. I have been successful with this to a large degree. The occasions where Crystal brings me to the point of anger and rage are very few and far between these days. 

   I came pretty close to being in a rage last Sunday afternoon because it seemed to me that she was intentionally doing what she has done so many times before, mess with me when I’m trying to rest or sleep. However, this time I caught myself pretty quickly and I realized that she may not have been trying to attack me after all. It may have been the case that she was trying to prevent me from falling asleep, not out of hostility, but because she knew that I didn’t want to fall asleep, that I had something to do. She may have sensed that I was about to fall into a deep sleep and that I would sleep for the rest of the day and not be able to take care of the things that I felt committed to take care of ....so she may have been trying to help me there. The means were the same as when it was a deliberate and hostile attack, but this time the intention may have been different. So, I caught myself there and calmed down a bit. I’m not sure what her intentions were, but there was at least a question about it this time. 

  Most often when similar incidents occurred in the past, there was little doubt in my mind that she was doing this to mess with me and try and deprive me of sleep, which is always something that I’ve been greatly distressed by throughout this whole situation. So, that was the biggest incident that occurred recently, these past few weeks. The physical sensations were over the top. It was one of those occasions where it felt like the reality of all this was definitely hitting me....slapping me in the face. There was no doubt in my mind that there was someone there, of course I knew it was Crystal. I know that the things I talk about here in this blog seem very strange to many people, and that many would be very skeptical of it. I understand that. I’ve often said, if I came across the things that I wrote here, ten  or fifteen years ago, I don’t know what the hell I would make of them.....whether I would believe them or not. Perhaps I would’ve thought that it just sounded like some kind of delusions occurring. So I understand this. Yet sometimes I think to myself that if only skeptics could experience some of these things that I experience. For example, if someone who doesn’t believe in such things experienced the intensity of these physical sensations that I experienced last Sunday, what would they have to say if they experienced them as I did?

  Yes,  it was one more incident where the reality of it all just hit me hard. I don’t know what it all means, and I still don’t have the answers regarding Crystal’s identity, but this is really happening. There are unseen beings on our planet right here among us. Are they spirits, aliens, angels demons etc.... ?  I just don’t know. Sometimes I feel it might be a combination of many things. Yet there’s no doubt in my mind that there are others here among us in this world. Sometimes our interactions are harmless, sometimes benevolent, but other times things can take a bad turn. My life changed drastically after experimenting with EVP Recording back in 2015. That decision, that one decision to go down that road put me on a collision course with these unseen forces that surround us. Well, there’s no denying that actions have consequences. If I had it to do over again, I would do things differently, but I don’t have it to do over again. So, I’ll keep talking about it here on this blog, because I hope that one day my basic message about all of this reaches someone in time to make a difference. I know how strange this all sounds, but I also know that it’s very real and I know how it all began and I know that I set things in motion myself through my own actions with doing this recording sessions so much that it left me open such intrusions like this. The danger is out there and it’s very real. So, I’ll do what I can to describe my experiences and inform others. I’m sure that these voices entities would prefer me to keep my mouth shut about all of this. They would prefer me to be isolated and introverted about it. So, just like with purging those feelings of anger, it’s the same thing....I’ve decided to do the opposite of what they want.