Hearing Voices After EVP Recording : The Sanctuary: 6-21-21

 June 21, 2021

  Well,  I’ll probably just end up rambling again in this post, but why not. This blog has a theme, it has a message, but it’s also in a sense a journal for me. So sometimes I know I might start rambling about something going on in my life, that’s not even necessarily directly related to this ongoing entity attachment situation ....which is my main theme. However, this attachment situation is just that, an attachment and it has an impact on practically every aspect of my life I would say, or just about. So yes, to paint a fuller picture of what’s going on with this situation, I feel that I need to incorporate other things as well, such as what’s going on with my work situation, or what’s causing me stress aside from Crystal, or things along those lines. 

  Well, as far as what’s causing me stress aside from Crystal, right now the big one is my work situation....ie: my job. It’s my busy season, this is always the busiest time of year for me, but this year is especially hectic and I knew it would be. As I’ve mentioned in previous post, I work in an industry that experienced a boom as a result of the pandemic situation. So, things have been quite a bit more hectic this past year in comparison to previous years as far as work goes. I just feel very burned out right now, very exhausted. I think I need a vacation. I’ve been working six days a week and I believe that I’m starting to really feel it. I don’t know, I would just really love having two days off, a full weekend, I only get that for a couple of months over the winter. 

  What happens is ...this time of year I often end up doing work related stuff on my day off, because I find it’s the only time that I have any time to do it. I do have set work hours, nine to five, however just by the nature of my job or at least how I go about it, I’m often doing work earlier than nine, and sometimes staying out later than five, though that has become more and more difficult for me to do recently. A few years ago, I used to stay out working for hours after five, but I don’t know ...I just don’t have it in me anymore and once five o’clock rolls around, I just feel like I’m done, that’s it I don’t have anymore in me. It’s more of a feeling of mental exhaustion than anything. Anyway, I don’t mean to gripe and complain here, but in a way this is tied into my attachment situation and my dealings with Crystal. 

  I was just reflecting a little bit yesterday, and questioning why I haven’t been more cheery recently, because in many ways the situation with Crystal has greatly improved since the earlier days. Crystal is still an intrusive presence in my life, I’m hearing her voice still every day and I’m still feeling the physical sensations practically every night. However, these things don’t get to me, they don’t cause me distress as they once did. I suppose you could say that I’ve just become quite desensitized to them. Not only this, but I observe that Crystal just seems less hostile these days....compared to how she was earlier on.

   I think in the early days, she was trying to establish domination over me. She was going to try and attach to my life one way or the other, and she would prefer to do so from a position of strength and power where she could  dominate me essentially. It seemed to me that she wanted me to be distressed by her presence and even fear her presence. I admit that I was quite distressed in the earlier days, but as I said.... I’m just a lot more desensitized to such things these days. 

  Now, I wouldn’t exactly call her disposition friendly or benevolent or something like that, but I think she’s definitely toned down the hostility.... the attempts at domination.. quite a lot these past couple of years. So, on the one hand I am very glad that the situation has changed for the better. However, I am also aware that this situation still presents problems and issues for me. Even though Crystal is less hostile, she is still intrusive. She’s there quite a lot just chattering, chattering away at me. Again, this doesn’t distress me as much, at least not on the surface, but I was just thinking yesterday about how it could be still wearing me down on a more subtle level. 

  Yesterday, I was thinking about how I’ve just been having a rough time at work recently and how I’ve been feeling burned out and I realized that I don’t really have a good sanctuary from all of this. I’ll try to explain. Basically it’s like I should be able to go home and just put the work situation out of my mind and escape it for a time and just relax and find peace, if only for a few hours at night at least... or something like that. However, this sense of peace is less than ideal because of Crystal’s continuing intrusions. Basically my sanctuary, or the sanctuary that I want to have....that time to myself, all by myself..... just isn’t there. There’s never a time when I feel like I am completely alone, her presence is always there.

   Don’t get me wrong, sometimes she does offer her opinion about what’s going on in my life, and it’s not always hostile, sometimes it seems like she’s just giving me her opinion, even offering me some advice. But again, there’s just no time that I just feel like I’m away from it all, where I feel complete solitude. Of course, often people are trying not to feel solitary or alone, however I think that everybody does appreciate that time, or at least that ability to have that time to themselves when there’s just no one else, and you can just let go ....and try and relax as best you can. I do have some time to a degree, but as I said, it’s less than ideal ....it’s compromised, there’s another presence  always there. If anything, this presence is stronger when I’m at home.... as opposed to when I’m out and about during the day or at work. 

  So yes, I just feel like even though this situation with Crystal isn’t the main cause of stress and mental exhaustion in my life right now, in a way it’s still contributing to it because I can’t find that place of solitude that I want to find ....to be able to rest and relax from it all. When it comes down to it, an attachment situation is just that, it’s an attachment to your life. Just by the term itself... “attachment”, the idea of a direct physical attachment might come to mind first and foremost. And for myself, quite often this situation is a rather direct  physical attachment. For example, as soon as I get into bed at night, I’m feeling a presence.... either latched on to my body, or moving around on my body. It’s not always at night either, I was just feeling it about an hour ago while I was sitting in a chair, I felt a presence clinging to my back. I know who this presence was of course, or I believe that I do. And yet more than these times, when this situation is very direct and physical like that, it’s much more an attachment to my life overall, it’s perceiving her presence wherever I go. I won’t say it’s all the time, but it is a good amount of the time I’d say. 

  This presence is either physical in nature or hearing a voice (or voices), or some kind of thought insertion or meddling with my thoughts,... or dream intrusion. There’s a few aspects to my situation when it comes down to the details. I’m not saying any of this to lash out at Crystal or anything, I’m just saying that this is an aspect of this kind of attachment situation and right now I’m really picking up on it more I suppose because I’m very busy right now ...I’m very stressed out with all that’s going on with my work. I guess it’s essentially like if I went on vacation, or I really needed to go on vacation and just knowing that even though I might relax to a degree and find a chance to enjoy myself, it’s just not going to be the same as it is for most people because of this other mysterious presence. 

  I’ve tried to I work things out with Crystal. I have suggested that perhaps it would be a good thing for me if she at least took a break herself from time to time, if she went on a vacation so to speak. I mean really, I would think that it would drive her mad being around me so much. Yet she never seems interested in this.  If I was only picking up on Crystal’s presence for certain hours of the day, or maybe just certain days of the week, or a couple times a month, then obviously I probably wouldn’t be feeling this way and talking about it. Yet this is not the case, and this is still very much an ongoing attachment situation.....an attachment situation that is still something that’s day-to-day for me, even hour by hour. 

 Tying this back to the main theme of this blog here, which is the the danger of the kinds of activities that I’ve seen bring about these kinds of attachment situations, such as EVP recording, or  using a Spirit Box, or a Ouija Board. This is another aspect of the danger, just losing that inner sanctuary, that sense of privacy that I’m sure I took for granted before any of this ever happened.