Hearing Voices Entity Attachment Journal pt. 2

 March 30, 2021

Today wasn’t as hectic as yesterday or the day before. I was glad for that. However, it’s becoming that time of year where I’m going to start having a lot of hectic days at work. I slept pretty well last night. There was some degree of disturbance caused by Crystal, mainly in the form of hearing her chattering voice and feeling the physical sensations, but it was nothing too intense. She hasn’t been hitting me with that shouting tactic of hers, where she shouts very suddenly right up to one of my ears or directly in front of my face. I know she can still do this because I have already experienced it quite a few times this year. In fact, I would say that some of the shouts that I experienced were even stronger than before. However, she hasn’t been using this tactic nearly as much recently. Of course I don’t mind that at all. This was always one of her tactics of causing a disturbance that I felt that there really wasn’t much of a defence for. I mean yes, I can learn to overcome her mind games and not be affected by the mysterious and cryptic things that she says. But, when you’re trying to sleep at night and you hear a voice shouting right in your face, well you simply hear a voice shouting right in your face. It’s too strong to ignore. Yet, she seems to be backing away from this particular tactic, at least for now. 

 To be honest, I believe I am starting to observe that she doesn’t seem as focused anymore on aggravating me. She still hangs around all of the time essentially, she’s still very much attached to my life I would say, but her actions do not seem as motivated to cause disturbances or anguish any longer. I’m not saying that things are perfect now. She still doesn’t seem to give any regard to my privacy, and she’ll just keep chattering and chattering. But, perhaps she realizes that there’s simply no point any longer to keep going with some of her old tactics.

Back in the early days of my attachment situation, these voices were incredibly hostile and overbearing. What I experienced at this exact time back in 2015 was an outright attack. I often refer to it as a voices blitzkrieg. For me, that’s exactly what it was. It was a vicious and continuous onslaught. No mercy was shown. Looking back now I feel that a primary motivation of this was to set up a situation where they dominated me. I very much feel that this was the case. They wanted to dominate me and they wanted to make me feel and believe like they were extremely strong and powerful. I will say this about them…..with my situation and it being paranormal in nature, it has I would say...not exactly been something that you might see in a horror movie. These entities are strong in what they can do, or they make the most of what they can do. Back in the beginning, I did have a few experiences of poltergeist activity, where these entities were affecting physical objects in my environment. I remember one day back in April 2015 when they violently slammed open my front door. So I did have some incidents of things that you might see in a horror movie. But for the most part, the horrors were internal, the horrors were within the mind and the perceptions, the mind was the battlefield. They were stronger with things like playing mind games and messing with my head and psychological torment than they were with slamming doors and banging on walls. Perhaps it took a lot of energy for them to do these things, perhaps certain conditions had to be right. But their strength was in attacking me in these more inward ways, in psychological ways. Once again, they made the most of what they could do.

  While I was going through the worst days back in the beginning, I was terrified and riddled with strain and anxiety more than anything else.  But looking back now, after the dust has settled to a large degree, I realize how masterful they were at playing these psychological mind games and tormenting me in these ways. It was as if they knew exactly what to say to mess with my head. If I was having thoughts of a religious nature then they would concoct storylines along those lines and they were usually something that would cause me great anxiety. They were particularly good at coming up with schemes that essentially dangled the prospect of escaping this condition. For example, I remember for a time (this was probably back in April or May 2015) when I kept hearing them say that I had never done anything with my life. They kept implying that I led a useless existence, that I never did anything significant. This was messing with my head quite a lot. This was different than just hurling crude insults at me, they were trying to make me feel ashamed of myself. They wanted me to feel like I had been living a life where I had never done anything in much importance. 

 So, some of their mind games were by their appearance things that in a way seemed like they were trying to offer you advice, they were trying to open your eyes to certain thoughts about your character. They could even seem like they were trying to help you. Sure it was harsh, but they could convey the impression that in the end, they were trying to help you better yourself. Now, one may truthfully use this kind of situation as a means of doing just  that. I think that this is very possible. However, I suspect that this was not actually the motive behind what these voices were saying. I think that they were trying to break me down and perhaps even make themselves out to be the ones that held the answers to significant questions. I only started to break free from their mental grip once I truly stopped caring about what they said about me. They tried to make me feel ashamed and uncomfortable with myself.  The way to defeat the strategy is to accept who you are as a person and be comfortable with yourself.

   Now some of the things they said were not out right lies. Some of the character flaws that they harped on me about, were things that I was also troubled by. However, they exaggerated them in a very devious and deceptive ways. These entities were both masters of deception and exaggeration. They know how to lie, they certainly know how to do that, but they also know how to manipulate the truth and sometimes that’s even worse to deal with. When they harped on me about my faults and “my sins”  (as they often said) sometimes they were speaking of things that I to was troubled by. Yet the key thing is that I eventually stopped caring what they said about it. I realized that they had no right to judge me. Even though they may have many remarkable abilities, and they think of themselves as superior, in fact in some ways they are not superior at all. They tried to make me feel ashamed about things I had done in the past, yet I had never done anything even remotely close to what they were doing. They were sadistically tormenting me without mercy day and night. I would not do that to someone, that’s not who I am, I don’t have that within me. So why should I place value in their judgments of me? Who were they to judge me? In truth, they were not in a moral position to judge me. They just wanted to make it seem that way and they were pretty crafty about it…. I’ll give them that. But thankfully I saw through it and was able to overcome this strategy of theirs.